Edited by
Richard Benson
It’s
Teacher Appreciation Day at your child’s school, or Christmas, or the last day
of classes. As usual, you’re wondering what to buy for the person who’s
responsible for keeping your little beloveds flourishing and in one piece while
you’re out bringing home the bacon. And, as usual, you have no idea. After all,
how well can you get to know a person by sitting down three times a year with
your knees crammed under a kid-sized table during parent-teacher interviews? Well,
here’s a way to leave them with a laugh.
F for Effort! is a collection of absolutely
hilarious test responses, some unintentionally so, some calculatedly so. Almost
all of us, after having gone through a exam and answered all the questions we
could, have returned to stare blankly at a question to which we have not even the
hint of an answer. It’s that moment, as we glance repeatedly from paper to
clock to the air a foot in front of our faces, that separates those who blow
the question from those who blow it in style.
Section
one, which contains answers from elementary students, runs the gamut from
revealing Freudian slips (“Every morning my Dad has a slice of dread before he
goes to work”) to odd mental contortions (“The north pole is so cold that the
people that live there have to live somewhere else”). Section two, which covers
high school, reveals everything from absolute cluelessness (“Q: Correct the
Sentence—The girl were extraordinarily intelligent. A: The boy were extraordinarily
intelligent.”) to brilliant smartassery (“Q: How would you stop wine from
turning into vinegar? A: Drink it.”)
Teachers
could only wish that doltishness was always so entertaining. And who knows? As
you flip through, perhaps you’ll discover one of your own brilliant efforts to
score part marks.
- Bruce
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